Keeping Cool in the Hot Seat: A Leader’s Guide to Managing Red Mist Moments

Many leaders have started 2025 with high ambitions but their effectiveness can be derailed by a failure to manage a “red mist” moment. One red mist moment handled badly can take ten further interactions to repair.

A “red mist” moment refers to a situation where emotions, particularly anger or frustration, take over and can cloud judgement. As a leader, navigating such moments effectively is crucial to maintaining credibility, fostering trust, and ensuring sound decision-making.

For example, some of my clients tell me they experience red mist moments when their team or their peers aren’t delivering on their commitments to an outcome. At first, the leader feels frustrated. Then they feel their irritation build, the red mist descends. They jump in, interrupt and get very direct and pointed in their verbal communications. The red mist occurs when they cut to the chase and become highly directive and “telling” rather than inquiring. The impact can make others feel quite fearful and may even avoid contact with them. Peers resent the tone and the manner in which they have been “told” and thus, trust can be eroded.

What clients often relay to me is that they know when they are having a red mist moment but they don’t manage themselves effectively in the moment. Nor do they have helpful strategies to catch themselves before they act.

So, here are some practical strategies to manage a “red mist” moment.

Catch yourself early: Usually, there is a build up to these moments. You may feel your jaw stiffening or a hot sensation across your chest. Usually, there is a physical response to the emotion that is building. Notice the physical warning sign.
Recognise your emotion: Acknowledge that you’re experiencing anger or frustration. Labelling the emotion can help you create psychological distance from it. Remind yourself that emotions are temporary and that reacting impulsively might lead to regrets.
Pause and breathe: Take a moment to stop and focus on your breathing. Deep, slow breaths can help calm your nervous system and reduce the intensity of the emotion. Count to ten or engage in a grounding exercise to regain control over your reactions. A simple grounding exercise is to place your feet (hip width apart) on the floor and while breathing deeply, consciously draw energy up from your feet up to your heart and chest and to the crown of your head.
Reframe the situation: Shift your perspective by asking yourself: What is the bigger picture? How does this situation align with my values as a leader? What outcome do I want to achieve from this interaction? Focusing on solutions instead of problems can help you regain composure.
Hear people out: Try to understand the other person’s perspective and why they are behaving in a way that provokes a reaction in you. This can defuse your anger or impatience and guide your response to be more constructive.
Avoid emotive language: Speak in a calm and measured tone, even if you’re feeling upset. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without blaming others (e.g., “I feel concerned when…” instead of “You always…”).
Be aware of your body language: Maintain open, non-threatening body language. Avoid gestures or expressions that could escalate tension, such as pointing, crossing arms or glaring.
Demist by stepping away (if possible): If the situation allows, take a short break to gather your thoughts. Stepping away can prevent immediate escalation and provide a clearer perspective.
Practice grace under fire: Recognize that everyone experiences moments of intense emotion, including leaders. Forgive yourself if you’ve reacted poorly in the past and focus on resolving to get better by committing to taking practical steps to self-manage better in these moments. Where damage has been done to certain relationships, seek these people out and apologise as soon as appropriate. See this as an act of courage and humility on your part as a leader rather than as a failing.
Reflect and learn: After the moment has passed, reflect on what triggered the “red mist.” Write down your thoughts to process and learn. Is it when you are tired, hungry, running late, anxious? Identify patterns and triggers to develop strategies to handle similar situations better in the future.

By implementing these strategies, you can navigate “red mist” moments with composure and demonstrate the emotional intelligence expected of effective leaders.

Olwyn Merritt