Coach the Person, not the Problem

Sometimes, we read a book that has a profound affect on how we view things and it changes us in some way. One such book for me was Marcia Reynolds’ “Coach the Person, not the Problem”. I had the pleasure of meeting Marcia last week at the Coachsource Global Forum in Dublin and here are some of my thoughts from our encounter.

Too often, as leaders and managers, we dive in to rescue and solve a problem for someone before we really hear them out and listen to what their best thinking on the problem is first.

Marcia reminds us of the importance of being a thinking partner for people who are stuck inside their own perceptions and stories. How they see things as opposed to how we see things.

Illuminate their thinking

Our work is to help leaders think more broadly for themselves, “beyond their blinding fears, inherited beliefs” and personal assumptions that limit the possibilities and actions that are open to them. The outcome of a coaching conversation can be that clients discover new ways of seeing things, embrace new solutions which they may have avoided actioning and commit to change because they want to rather than it being imposed on them by someone else.

The famous 20th century educationalist, John Dewey believed that “we do not learn from experience itself, but rather, we learn from reflecting on experience.” So, reflecting on our own “lived” experience and making sense of it is the essence of developing insight into ourselves and others. Coaching is intended to create such a reflective space.

Marcia not only writes so cogently on this topic, she walks the talk too. We saw her coach a colleague and observed how important it is to release any feeling of judgement that we are holding about the other person as we coach. We observed how important it is to be at ease so that we can connect easily with what a colleague is grappling with. We need to stay present with them rather than wandering off into our own thoughts and feelings on the subject.

Make this conversation matter

Marcia modelled true presence with our colleague and she offers us a wonderful routine to help us get in the zone to be present with our coachee. First of all, relax your body. Next, Detach from the thoughts in your head. Let them float away. Centre your awareness by bringing your attention to the present moment and the person that you are with and finally, focus on the emotion that you want to feel e.g. open, curious, grounded, compassionate.

So, here are some tips when someone comes to you with their challenge and coaching is requested.

Listen and unpack the real issue behind what seems to be the first issue mentioned. Dig a bit deeper by asking them to clarify exactly what the issue is and keep unpeeling like an onion until you get to the core of their issue.
Be a conduit for their best thinking. You are here to help them see things more clearly, not to make them just feel better.
Ask yourself: Does this person feel seen, heard and respected by me? If so, they will reveal who they are and why this matters to them rather than just assuming that we think we know.
Reflect back their thinking to them and observe what they can now see that they hadn’t considered before?
Be aware of how you judge them. Our brains are wired to judge but we need to be able to release those “judgy” thoughts and we do that by staying curious to their thoughts, the assumptions they are making and what they truly feel about their conundrum. Be aware of how we react to the emotions of others. Don’t let their feelings worry you. They are only energy so don’t take it personally if they vent. There is usually a trigger for the emotion, a reaction and then the feeling subsides. So, be able to manage that in yourself as well as our reactions to the emotions of others.
The energy that we bring and our presence as coaches has a profound affect on the conversation and how safe the coachee feels in opening up to us.

In the words of one of Ireland’s greatest writers, William Butler (WB) Yeats: “The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.”

And Marcia certainly sharpened our coaching acuity as she worked her magic, enabling insight for the client during the session and inspiring us to connect more fully to our clients rather than solely trying to fix their problems.

Olwyn Merritt